How I Deal with Expat Christmas

Christmas: the holiday I have come to dread in Australia.  It is not the country's fault that Christmas falls at the beginning of a sweltering summer.  That instead of thick wool coats and scarves, there are bikinis and thongs (flips flops, sandels, jandels, whatever you want to call them).  I personally am a fan of layering clothing because I think it's more flattering on my body--and I don't need to spend the entire day clenching my abs to keep my stomach from jiggling when I walk.  It seems very wrong to put up a Christmas tree while listening to "White Christmas" in 38C (100F) heat.  Not only does my body not want to peel itself off the ground to hang ornaments, but it's hard not to find the music annoying when I would love nothing more than to roll around naked in snow.

Instead of decorating, I stick my head in the freezer and pretend it's snow.  I feel momentarily better, but I can't stand there like that all day--I've tried.  Baking any holiday treats is out, because having an oven going for more than 5 seconds in that heat is just plain stupid--as if I wasn't sweating before, I'd have to climb into the freezer after having the oven on long enough to bake anything.  I tried one year and found that baking is only fun when the oven heats the room to a desirable temperature, not when it melts your eyeballs every time you open it to check if the cookies/biscuits/whatever are done.

Even without the homesickness, it's hard to force what I want Christmas to be in Australia.  The obvious reason is that it's summer.  A time for picnics and swimming, not ice skating and hot feasts of comfort food.  After four years, I am tired of fighting it.  Tired of wearing wool holiday sweaters until I get heat stroke, drinking peppermint hot chocolate and eating the cookied I laboured for hours to bake in nothing buy my underwear.  I am tired of decorating my plastic tree with sweat dripping down my back, when I would rather just be sitting on the couch watching tv and drinking a cold beer.  Christmas shopping is a nightmare--no matter what country you are in.  Visiting the family is a 12 1/2 hour drive through a hot desert.  The only comfort there is the cars we rent are air conditioned--my apartment is not.

So instead of forcing my traditions on a summertime Christmas, I decided that I would work with it.  Beach resort holidays with a frozen cocktail in my hand (I have yet to achieve that, but give me time), or camping trips through some of the southern tracks in Australia (and maybe one day New Zealand).  Yes, I have learned to take the week I get off from work and do something with it.  An adventure.  Away from the oppressive heat and lack of fresh air in my apartment.  Away from trees and suddenly ironic Christmas carols.  Why would I spent the week given to me of lovely summer weather indoors eating copious amounts of food when I could be outside challenging myself on a hike or lounging around on a beach?

So this year, I've picked my challenge.  I'm hiking the Great Ocean Walk, an 104km track along the wild Southern Ocean coastline of Victoria, near the historic Great Ocean Road.  Sweeping views of limestone cliffs, scrublandand endless sandy beaches. Not a bad trade.

I am a Lighthouse Keeper

I am reading a book on being a lighthouse keeper in the 1970s, before lights were automated and there was no such thing as a lighthouse keeper. There is so much talk about technological obsolescence, but less about human obsolescence--perhaps we should consider it more.

But the book has gotten me thinking about how much I would love to have been a lighthouse keeper--solitude, night watches as a keeper of the light, warning sailors and ships of the dangers in the night, looking out over the ocean and watching it change from calm to storm.  It is a job I will only ever fantasize about, but will never know.  I suppose even I am growing a bit weary of city lights.

Cities are full of the endless buzz of people, running home, running to work, running to buy useless things, go to useless parties, sporting events and theatre shows, the newest restaurant, the trendiest bar.  Keeping up with it all sometimes feels like you are running in a giant hamster wheel--and I am not a very good runner. I love the energy of cities when I was a child, the constant hum of people and cars, the lights that never dimmed were such strong attractions to me.  People were crowded together, someone was always awake and things were always happening.  But that was before I had to cram on to the train every morning and push past all the slow walkers on the street.  Before I cared about what phone I owned or what shoes I wore. Before I had to pay for dinners out or movie tickets. Before there were price tags and rent prices and sleepless nights.

It's not that I want my quarter-acre block in the suburbs with my three bedroom house and SUV, because I don't. I commend people who want that life and manage to have it, but it was never for me. I would rather stay in my one bedroom apartment as the city grows around me and the trains fill up more than live in the suburbs.  I would actually rather have less than more.  As my life gets more complicated as I age, I grasp at the things that make it simple.

Like the thought of lighthouse keeping. Routine. Good food, good tea. Watch rotation like on a tall ship--another dream career that I would never be able to follow. Keeping the light. Solitude. The glittering night sky. The endless ocean. Trips back to civilization just to catch up on being around people--just enough to want to go back again. Forget that being a lighthouse keeper and a tall ship sailor were positions held by men in those days. So I want early 20th century jobs with 21st century feminist rights (if indeed they are actually advancing like we hope). It is easy to romanticize when you have grown a bit tired of the city and the buildings and its people close in around you.

Sometimes you need the fresh air and the solitude. The time away from the things that distract us--like the great distraction, the INTERNET and its good friends the smartphone, the laptop, the TV and the tablet. I enjoy getting away, not knowing the news and the happenings of my closet 400 friends, so I can simultaneously feel happy for them and wonder what the hell is going wrong in my own life.  We know it's wrong, but we all do it. We compare ourselves to our peers and then wonder why we feel so miserable.  At times like that, I feel I need to step off the hamster wheel and seek out some solitude, preferably while staring out at an endless ocean. But I am not above forest or mountain top.

It is very easy to feel small when standing in a natural expanse.  Small in a way no man-made structure can make you feel.  Small in a way that every problem, you or any member of humanity may have suddenly feels insignificant, that you are in the presence of some kind of magic, something that has been going on for billions of years.  We are just taking a short glimpse of it and often taking it for granted.

I would be nice to be able to live a life where I had to stop more often and appreciate those moments, those realisations.  It would be nice to slow down, simplify a little more. Rather than always run in that little wheel rushing from one thing to the next, every moment crammed together full of things I have to do. How nice to just slow it down once in a while.

I swear I not a Luddite. My work focuses on the wonders of digital photography and digital preservation. I like ebooks. I own a tablet and a smartphone and a laptop. It's just I don't love them. Most people I know would be lost without their phone, I often feel mildly inconvenienced and then relieved. It's not that I get as many phone calls as I used to when I lived in the States, but I still enjoy the freedom from being constantly tethered to the rest of the world.  I don't have to feel guilty for ignoring them.

Sometimes it's nice to just look out the window. It's also nice to have a conversation with someone who isn't looking at a screen at regularly intervals instead of you. Sometimes it's nice to see the world rather than stare at pixels. Sometimes I wish I was that lighthouse keeper, silently tending to the light in the middle of the night. Guiding sailors to safety and staring up at the night sky.

New Years Resolutions Mid-Year Review

Well, I actually probably missed the mid-year review by over three months, but there is still a little time left in 2012 to work on my resolutions, so it can't be a terrible thing to remind myself of them.

To better look after my health and wellness - this year I need to do the things I've been putting off for a long time, such as visiting the doctor and the dentist. I also want to strive to continue to eat well and exercise regularly. I would like to be able to even improve at the gym by doing things like squatting 20kgs regularly and running 10kms occasionally.

This resolution has been my greatest success and biggest challenge for 2012. I started the year off right with making regular trips to the dentist--my teeth are in great shape and I have the electric toothbrush to prove it. I finally found a female doctor and got a pap test--which by the way is so much easier and less painful than in the States (Australian women do not realise how lucky they are).

I have explored becoming a Flexitarian.  Which is my way of saying I attempt to steer clear of meat and most animal products, but I understand that I can be flexible when I eat out and go to others homes.  I am endeavouring to stay away from cow products--as they are the least environmentally friendly of all livestock--but that is a relatively new shift and may time more time.  I have begun to sample many vegan based meals (and even experimented with nooch or savoury yeast flakes and it's amazing stuff) and have found that I enjoy cooking them more--even though they require twice the effort. I look forward to continuing to experiment with new foods for the rest of the year and lead myself down a path to eat healthier and more satisfying foods.

Exercise is still going well, though chronic knee pain has set me back with running.  For a while I succeeded in regular 8km runs every week (breaking the 50 minute mark a few times) and even some 10km runs for fun.  Then in July when the knee pains hit, I was forced to take a break from running and even from Body Attack!  I've slowly started to run again, aiming for a 4km run maybe once or twice a week and I have returned to Body Attack.  I have picked up RPM and while it's not the same as running, it is kinder on my knee and a fabulous cardio work out (I have also succeeded to make 20kgs my normal squat weight and have maintained that post-injury. SCORE).

To work on my spiritually and inner balance - I'd like to take more yoga classes and mediate more often, but I would also like to explore going to church again on Sundays when I am not donating plasma at the Red Cross (which I look forward to continuing to do in 2012).

I have begun 7am Friday morning yoga classes, which I find far more effective at centring my mind and body.  It is also far more enjoyable to do it with my husband.  I also sometimes make a Saturday class to start my weekend off right. I have not made it to church yet, and do not actually feel all that guilty about it.  I feel that plasma donations and Lions Club volunteering are better, more altruistic uses of my time. If there is a higher power out there, I don't think it is going to punish me for using the little spare time I have to enrich my community and others lives rather than sitting in church.  I have also turned to spending time hiking and camping more to find spirituality and inner balance.  If there was ever a way to feel whole with the world, it is stepping out into nature.  I love taking the time to step out of my comfort zone, away from all the technology and creature comforts that our society clings so tightly to and just spending time in the natural world.  The more switched on our society comes, the more empowering it is to switch off.  It's like a novelty, a chance to completely switch off, slow down, notice the little things, let the brain go--aside from yoga, it is the best way I have learned to find inner balance.  And when things start to get too crazy in life, I start to plan my next trip to the bush.

To work on creative endeavours and explore my passions - Now that I have a thermometer for developing film, I would like to get to back into photography and hopefully one day get back into alternative processes. I have started a tumblr for a photo a day project, in hopes to document my life, one photograph at at time--also to get myself into the habit of seeing the world through photography again. I also hope to develop this blog again a documentation of my life in a city. Instead of being about my life in Toronto, this time about my life in Melbourne.

I have been fairly faithful to my Tumblr and those photo a days are ticking over.  I haven't touched my photo chemicals and if I don't do that soon, I am going to regret it--perhaps when the break between semesters finally happens and I find myself with a spare few hours.  I have not redefined my blog or written about my life in Melbourne.  I love my life in Melbourne very much and I think it would be nice to share it with my family and friends through blogging--I just know I have taken on too many things at the moment.  One of them is studying part time.  Two classes has taken up a lot of spare time.  There is also the fact that I am now Lions Club Treasurer--and there is a lot of report writing and banking to do every week.  Add to that work and a full gym routine on top of the volunteer requirements and some social activities squeeze in there.  When the day is over, I really only have enough energy to sit there and let the television play.  Sometimes I clean the house and snuggle the cat.  Perhaps I need to work on time management.

Keep in better touch with my family at friends back in the States - I know that it is easy for life to get in the way, but I know I need my family and friends in my life so I need to write more emails and make more phone calls. I don't want to lose those relationships and I want to make sure they can grow even though we might live miles apart.

Well, I can officially say that I have sucked at this resolution.  Even with Facebook and all the Internet in the world this suffers.  Being busy is no excuse, but it's the best excuse I have.  I sometimes don't even have the time to catch up with friends in the same city, let alone the people halfway around the world.  My mother and I, for all that we are best friends and rely on each other, are not great at keeping in touch.  Our lives are so hectic and our time zones so opposite that there is a phone call every 4 months and gchat a bit here and there every day.  Our emails are also infrequent--but our love is very strong!  My other friends and family are harder to keep in touch with, though I always respond to emails and Facebook when I get them.  Though I guess i'm terrible at initiating contact sometimes.  I think about all of them often and I miss them all.  I think sometimes they have no idea how much I miss them.  I hope that I get better at this.  I hope that Shannon is better with keeping in touch with his parents when we move away.  It would be better for all of them.

Well, there you have it.  The mid year review.  I'd say I'm at about 50%.  Being reminded of what I want to work on for the year gives me some hope that I can make it happen.  The last two resolutions need some work, but I think there's still time.  So I better get to it!

Banana Yogurt Muffins

Now that bananas in Australia are back to $2.98 a kilo (down from $15.98 a kilo after the cyclones last year), I have started to buy lots of bananas to go in my weetbix cereal. Unfortunately, this hot weather causes the bananas to ripen a bit too quickly and I end up needing to do something with the over ripe bananas besides throwing them out.

Banana bread has gotten a bit old, so I've found this recipe, tweaked it and made some extremely tasty and moist muffins for breakfast/lunch/snacks. These muffins come out super moist thanks to the yogurt and oil, plus are healthy if you use whole wheat flour and low fat yogurt. I also really like that they are not too sweet. Just writing about them makes me want to eat another one!

Banana Yogurt Muffins with Honey and Cinnamon

Ingredients:

1 3/4 cups self-raising flour (I used about 1 1/4 cups of whole wheat self-raising flour)

1/2 cup sugar

1 cup natural yogurt (I used fat-free greek yogurt)

1 egg

2/3 cup vegetable oil

2 large bananas, mashed

1 tsp cinnamon

2 tbsp honey

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 F (180 C) - Makes 12 muffins

Mash the bananas in a large bowl. Add the egg, yogurt, honey and vegetable oil and combine. Add the dry ingredients gradually and mixed until just combined. Be sure not to over mix. Line muffin trays with paper cups and fill (or you can use the silicon cups on a baking try, which I did).

Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the center of the muffin comes out clean. Let cool for 5 minutes and turn on a wire rack to cool completely.

*NOTE: If you don't have self-raising flour (which I didn't), you can make your own by following these ratios:

1 cup plain flour

1 1/2 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

Welcoming the New Year with New Resolutions

2011 was a good year. I spent the year living in Melbourne, working at an amazing cultural institution, making great new friends and traveling to several foreign countries. And after almost three years living in Australia, I finally made a trip home to see my family and friends.

Perhaps most notably, I finally got a job in my field as a photographer at the library. I interact daily with some exciting and interesting collections items. Even though the contract lasts only a year, I've been incredibly lucky to spend my days in the studio.

2012 looms ahead of me with uncertainty. I suppose just as every year has. I am not sure what what wait for me in the future, but I will be ready with strength and determination. And not without setting myself some resolutions. There is always something to work for. And though I firmly believe that you do not need a new year to start working towards the things you want to change, it's as good a time as any to try.

2012 Resolutions:

1. To better look after my health and wellness - this year I need to do the things I've been putting off for a long time, such as visiting the doctor and the dentist. I also want to strive to continue to eat well and exercise regularly. I would like to be able to even improve at the gym by doing things like squatting 20kgs regularly and running 10kms occasionally.
2. To work on my spiritually and inner balance - I'd like to take more yoga classes and mediate more often, but I would also like to explore going to church again on Sundays when I am not donating plasma at the Red Cross (which I look forward to continuing to do in 2012).
3. To work on creative endeavours and explore my passions - Now that I have a thermometer for developing film, I would like to get to back into photography and hopefully one day get back into alternative processes. I have started a tumblr for a photo a day project, in hopes to document my life, one photograph at at time--also to get myself into the habit of seeing the world through photography again. I also hope to develop this blog again a documentation of my life in a city. Instead of being about my life in Toronto, this time about my life in Melbourne.
4. Keep in better touch with my family at friends back in the States - I know that it is easy for life to get in the way, but I know I need my family and friends in my life so I need to write more emails and make more phone calls. I don't want to lose those relationships and I want to make sure they can grow even though we might live miles apart.

And there you have it, my new years resolutions. I hope they help me lead better life this year. And at the very least, they give me something to strive towards.

A very recent memory

Friday afternoon. About 3.30pm. I'm alone, music is playing in the studio which is only lit by a few small lights and then my two lights, with large diffusers on them. I look over at my mamiya rz67 and think to myself "this is awesome." I do a little dance around my camera, table and copy stand before I stop and return to my work.

I'm currently do a side project where I am digitising an album from 1888's Centennial Exhibition in Melbourne -- images of men in the Victorian Courts. 544 men with varying degrees of facial hair. The images are rather small albumen prints, so it takes some time to focus properly on them.

I sit down and my computer, fiddle around the images in Capture One and I stop for a moment. I realise at this very moment how hard I've worked to be back in a photo studio. How hard I have worked to work with collection material. And there I am, sitting in a studio on a Friday afternoon, shooting various collection objects from an amazing cultural institution in Melbourne.

I like this very recent memory, because it makes all the old memories from previous jobs seem like nothing. It makes all the mornings spent emptying dishwashers, getting old men coffee, operating copiers and answering phones seem worth it. Because now I can put photographer after my name. Because now my most important work tool is a camera (a pretty sexy camera) and not a photocopier.

And that...is pretty cool.

23 January 2011: Two Years On....

It was recently my two year anniversary in Australia. It is an anniversary that is met with many mixed feelings. For one, it means I have been with Shannon for two years without any need for months of separation. Two years since we have started our life together.

Also two years since I have been to a place I called home for 24 years and two years since I have seen most of my family and almost all of my friends. Two years of trials and adjustments and life in a grown up world.

It's strange to think the place I once called home and the people I love have gone on living without me (an egocentric thought I know, I have done the same). We have grown apart despite how hard we have tried to hold on to each other. Babies have been born (and turned one!), couples have married and in some cases, divorced, homes were purchased, jobs secured, new friends made and lives lost.

Two years has flown by in the blink of an eye and yet, the time is filled with millions of moments that I have missed or that others have missed. But this is the life I have chosen; distance and time will always separate me somehow.

I will often wish I had more money to pay for the enormous plane fares (I should have married a very wealthy man in order to live this lifestyle; I also probably shouldn't have been a person that didn't have a horrendous fear of flying). I hate to think that because of money I miss out on so many wonderful things. I hate to think I need money to change that.

So two years later, time marches on. And I go on, to whatever future I will find. Wherever I might go.

Hiking Freycinet National Park: Day 6, Wineglass Bay to Car Park to Hobart

It was another beautiful morning to wake up to, even if there was some reluctance about packing up camp.

We decided to get an early start in the hopes to avoid the day walkers by leaving the park by 8am. It was much quieter than the day before and we enjoyed the hike along a nearly empty beach.

The second time we did the climb up to the car park seemed much easier than the first try. Perhaps it was because we knew what we were in for. And when we stopped off at the look out, it was almost empty. At least for a few minutes.

We continued on our way without incident, though the closer to the car park we got, the more people we saw. What I'll never understand about some people is that there is a large sign out front of the entrance saying what to bring and wear, particularly for footwear. And yet, in spite of that there are still several people in thongs and ballet slippers doing the hike.

Watching people enter the park did keep me occupied for the following two hours that I had to wait for the shuttle bus. That, and catching up on Facebook. You can't avoid technology forever. Though it is nice to try sometimes.

And in almost a blink of an eye, I was on the Tassielink (gripping for dear life as the bus doesn't have seat belts) back to Hobart. And I was just in time to see all the 2010 Sydney to Hobart race boats at the harbourfront.
I'd be lying if I told you I had a big, crazy New Years. I fell asleep just before midnight--oops, the bed was soft. But, I did get to celebrate with a bottle of Tasmanian wine at the harbourfront and see some fireworks at the kid's firework display. It was still a nice way to end the year.