As Friday looms, my thoughts darken slightly. My mind is set on black and carnations and somber moments. Perhaps, not the best place to start an entry, but not all life is joy. While life is a beautiful treasure that I might never full understand, grief is a part of that beauty. I haven't grieved yet, but I am preparing myself for it.
My Aunt Ra passed away last weekend. The strangest thing is that I can still hear her voice in my head though I haven't seen her in months. I mostly remember her from my childhood. I remember the funeral when Uncle Floyd, her husband, passed away. It was the first funeral in my memory. And now, I am preparing for hers. To see my cousin, Kelly, her grand-daughter in hopes that she will be all right. I don't know if I'll cry. Sometimes, when it's the right moment to, I can't seem to find the tears. I stand there looking lost, emotionless in a sea of grieving people. Other times, I am part of that sea--a sniffling, bawling mess of tears and grief. Time will tell. I just know that right now is the time to be in the arms of my family.
It seems a bit hard to pick up and entry after those thoughts. But they are life and though Aunt Ra will be a memory and a spirit to me, time marches on for the rest of us. The only absolutes I think. Time passing and death. But, my week has not been this dark. Aside from the onset of a little fall cold, most of my time has been spent doing the same weekly routine.
I wrote a paper for Don's class Monday. Six hours in front of the computer, telling my story of Collodion. It was two pages longer than necessary. And I was pleased with it. If I can spend one night writing a six page paper, two nights should be enough to write my 10 page paper coming up for David's class.
Tuesday after class I explored Casa Loma with Shannon. It's a castle that was built up on a hill overlooking Toronto. It was built in 1911 for Sir Henry Pellatt. I believe though within 10 years he had hit financial ruin and had to abandon his dream castle. That story was a little depressing. But the castle was rather pretty. It had it's own tower and I admit that my imagination was running away with me. Stories and daydreams. Heros and knights and strong female characters--quite abnormal for the time. But, it was my daydream after all. I thought the castle had beautiful gardens too, even though it was raining as I hiked through them. I do have to admit that I was rather disappointed when I discovered that we had explored the entire castle, but failed to find the tunnel that led to the stables. I missed the stables! Oh, the tragedy. I suppose I will have to go back around Christmas to explore again.
Shawarma Wednesday was completely turned around due to unforseen circumstances. It ended up that Fran and I were the only ones to partake in chicken shawarmas in a strange place across from U of T. It was no La-Zeez. Fran and I were left somewhat unsatisfied, but Shannon didn't seem to know the difference. In the future, the Fab 5 will have to educate him on a truly good shawarma.
The evenings are getting cold and I find myself shivering in my bed every night. This will have to be changed at some point, because I do not like freezing in my sleep. While home this weekend I will have to commandere more winter supplies for my room. To be truly honest, I just want to get home. This week has dragged on and I have only been able to think of my family. Saturday will be very bittersweet. And right now, that is all I really can think about.
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