Stress

Well, now that I'm past ranting and hopefully back to rational. (Sorry! I did NOT break up with Shannon. That would be probably the worst decision in the history of my bad decisions. I'm extremely lucky to love and be loved by a man like him. And I digress, so I will stop myself there).

I'm just stressed. S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D. Stressed. There's just more weighing on me than I can handle at the moment. In situations when one more thing is added to the pile, I tend to...who knows. Not think. Overreact. My mother always say I have a flair for the dramatics. And it's even harder when I am not in control anymore. Right now, I feel like everything is out of my control. Which is likely NOT the case, but I feel it just the same.

I worry about school and finishing school and paying for school. I'm stressed with the heightened competition (I am not a competitive person, I am content with merely hard work). I struggle with feeling invisible most days. I struggle with finding another part-time job. I worry that I'll never see Shannon again--it hasn't even been two months, I cannot comprehend waiting a year to see him again. I shouldn't even be worrying that far into the future, but I can't help it. I want to be there.

As much as people tell me to enjoy my time here (which do not get me wrong, I do, it's good to be with family), I can't help feeling a little sad all the time. I just can't pretend things are the same as they were last time I lived at home. It's funny, the one person that would want me here the most, is the only person that understands that it's just going to take more time for me. And that's ok. Ah, mothers. I need her support right now.

Well, I guess this is pretty much the major update for now. It's true that in 31 minutes it will November 1st and NaNoWriMo starts (national novel writting month). And I will be on the marathon to write 50,000 words, do my homework, work, sleep and not go crazy. To be honest, I look forward to noveling. It is the escape I need right now.

Plus, there's nothing better than focusing your efforts on something constructive. I haven't written in a while. This will be good.